Cultural Lessons from my Manicurist.

A little back story:


I'm a bit of a Krav Maga (Israeli hand-to-hand combat/martial art) enthusiast. We had been working on knife defenses in class, which involves pretty violent/painful wrist-to-wrist contact with a partner. This leaves bruises up and down the arms of a "normal" person who actually HAS pigment in their skin, and roughly triple the amount of bruises on my "porcelain" self.

The following story should probably be recreated via video in order to fully do it justice, but I'm going to tell it right now anyway. Yes, I'm THAT wild.

So, a couple of days later, I head to my usual nail salon for a mani/pedi. All is well, I'm reading crap gossip magazines, hands and feet happily soaking. Sue and Trina are about to wrap my blue/purple polka-dotted arms in hot towels, when Sue suddenly explodes into a fit of laughter. Tiny, high-pitched, dainty little squeal giggles--one hand over her mouth, one hand gesturing frantically towards my arm.


Sue: "Heehee heehehehehe! Yuu hah duh go bye!!!!"

I feel the beginnings of the "awkward smile" forming on my face...hoping this isn't going to be one of those exchanges that forces me to find 5 different ways to ask "what?" politely.

Me: "What?"

Sue: "Duh go-bye!!!!"

Whatever she's saying is both exciting, and hilarious to dear Sue. I try to use this information to help decipher what she's saying.

Me: "Oh!! I...wait. What?"

Sue: (still pointing, the giggling is beginning to subside now) "GOOOOO....BYEEE. Go bye."

Me: "I'm sorry, I just don't..I can't...what?"


Trina steps in to referee.


Trina: "Yu hah duh brew."

Me: "The bruise! YES!!"

This is good--we're halfway there!

Trina: "She say, wen yu slee, duh go come bye yu."


My mouth is open, brow furrowed, head tilting to the side like my dog's does when I use "walk" or "treat" in a sentence..


Me: "Huh? What happens when I sleep?"

We're almost there...

Trina: "Da GO come, an he BYE yu!!!!" (giggles, makes tickly fingers on my arm)

Me: "Ohhhhhhh!!!!!!! Bites! When I sleep!!!! The GHOST comes and bites me when I sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Trina and Sue jump up and down (very daintily), all 4 hands up in a simultaneous "Touchdown!" motion. More giggling. I am thrilled that we sorted all of this out!

Me: "That's neat! How funny! It's just from martial arts though----fight class..."

For some reason I felt the need to punctuate this with some helpful (?) interpretative moves--- a couple of super-lame karate chop type arm flails (that would NEVER be used in Krav), and a mini-sidekick a la MadTV'S "Stewie".



They remove the towels, and each grab one of my hands. We've come to my favorite part---the hand massage! Aaaaahh...I'm happy, I'm relaxing...then..


Susie: "Oh yu lie figh? Yu lie figh wid duh boi? Yu hah boi fren?"

Me: "Well, I like to learn HOW to fight. I don't really like to fight with the boys. Yes, I have a boyfriend."

Back to the GIGGLES!



And so we begin....again. I love those girls.